Grief following the death of a loved one

It is common to experience grief when you lose someone who has been important in your life. The loss can leave a gaping hole where that person used to be and, even if the passing was expected, the finality of death can come as a huge shock. For some people, they may have felt they were gradually losing their loved one while that person was still alive, due to illness having diminished their ability to engage in life in the way that they used to – for example, if they had advanced dementia. 

There may also be feelings of relief when someone close to you dies as it releases you from: 

• the daily challenges of looking after the person 
• anxiety about how to manage their deteriorating health 
• pain and frustration the person may have been experiencing on a daily basis 
• decisions around what sort of care to put in place and whether you can afford it 

These feelings will be at odds with the feelings of loss and sadness and there may be feelings of guilt too. If you are struggling to cope with your emotions and they are affecting your life, you should seriously consider seeking help. It is important to recognise if you are feeling stressed, anxious or depressed and know where and how to access appropriate support. 

Symptoms of grief 

Bereavement can give rise to all sorts of symptoms and affects people in different ways. Some feel overwhelmed with grief immediately after the death of a loved one, while others do not show or express any feelings until some time later. They may be unable to process their emotions about the loss and need time to come to terms with what has happened. Only then can they start to face their grief and talk about it. 

Common symptoms include: 

• shock and numbness – this is usually the first response 

• overwhelming sadness, uncontrollable crying 

• tiredness or exhaustion 

• anger towards the person who has died 

• guilt that they are alive and their loved one is dead 

• regret about something they said or did not say before the deceased passed away 

It can take time to move past difficult, sad thoughts about how your loved one was in their final days and start to remember the happier times when they were well. Talking about them and looking at photographs and videos can help to rekindle memories of happy times together. 

If you are struggling with a recent loss, you can get help from the NHS through 

• Talking Therapies 
• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)