Understanding grief with Right at Home Cardiff & Newport
Published: 24/01/2023
What is grief?
Grief will affect all of us at some point in life. Grief is often associated with the loss of a loved one however, it can occur due to a number of challenges, including losing a job, being diagnosed with an illness or a relationship breaking down. Sometimes you will have time to prepare, but other times grief can occur suddenly. Whichever way it happens, the way someone deals with grief can differ.
If you work in the care sector, it’s likely you’ll encounter grief more than others. Age UK defines grief as the emotional response one experiences in response to an upsetting life event - often this tends to be the loss of a loved one. Grief presents itself in many forms and people will all have unique grieving processes. Grief is not always shown by crying, although this is a common reaction for many in response to an upsetting event. Some people experiencing grief may withdraw themselves from social situations, some might be less patient. However, others may not show signs of grieving at all on the outside, instead keeping their feelings to themselves.
Many people associate grief with sadness, which is a common sign, however, there are many other symptoms of grief including anger, fear, fatigue, and guilt.
In whatever way someone shows their grief, it’s important to be patient and understanding.
How can I cope with my grief?
When you’re experiencing bereavement, remember that there’s no right or wrong way to deal with grief - everyone has their own ways of coping mechanisms. Here are a few things to think about when dealing with your emotions.
Acknowledge that it is grief you are experiencing:
After a traumatic life-changing event, you may be in shock for a while, and it can take some time to hit you. Many people who experience grief spend some time in denial about what they’re going through and find it difficult to admit they need help. Being aware of what grief looks like and understanding how you are reacting can be a good first step. There is a wealth of information available online if you want to learn more about grief. Visit Age UK, The Good Grief Trust and the NHS as a starting point.
Accept that you’ll feel a mixture of emotions
These could be sudden, new, unexpected or unfamiliar to you, but being aware that grief takes all kinds of forms can help you understand your unique experience... Once you have that understanding you can begin learning to manage your grief and find ways to move forwards.
Take time for the things you appreciate: Bereavement and grief can swallow us sometimes but ensuring you dedicate time to hobbies can help you with the recovery process. Whether that is exercising, taking a walk or listening to music. Making time for things that bring you joy can help take your mind off grieving and act as a solace during difficult moments.
Talk to someone: This can be a trained professional, close friend, colleague or someone experiencing the same loss. Talking about your concerns or sharing memories of your loved one can help you come to terms with a loss or bereavement.
Join a support group: Sometimes spending time with a group of people who have been in a similar situation can help you understand your feelings and work through the challenges together.
Understand that grief is unique to you: – Although talking through your problems with someone is often the best cure, it is important to remember that everybody’s journey/experience of grief is unique/individual. If someone you know is experiencing similar grief, don’t compare your experience to theirs. Rather than comparing your experiences, try to listen and learn from them instead, or give a listening ear and advice.
Consider channelling your feelings into something creative: If you struggle opening up to others then consider writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal, creating a scrapbook or drawing them through art.
Look after your physical health as much as you can: Physical activity is proven to boost your mood and maintain your mental health. When dealing with a loss or bereavement it can be hard to motivate yourself to do exercise. However, even the smallest activities could make a positive difference. Try taking yourself for a gentle walk, light run, short bike ride or doing home workout.
You should also try to keep doing small things around the house, such as doing a bit of cleaning, making the bed, or opening the windows. All though you may have little energy to do these things that can have a positive impact on your mental state
How do you show support for someone who’s grieving?
Give them space but don’t avoid them: It can be tricky to balance how often you speak to someone who is grieving. You don’t want to overwhelm them by forcing them to talk about their feelings before they are ready, but it’s important to let them know you are there if they need it. The best trick is to check in ‘little and often’ - meaning don’t message someone grieving all day every day and constantly ask how they are, instead just let them know you are thinking of them if they need you. This gives them the chance to come to you when they are ready.
Be patient: There is no time limit on grief. It doesn’t go away once a funeral has taken place, or a certain amount of time has passed. It can come in waves that is unique to everyone. One day someone may appear fine and the next they could have an upsetting moment and it will hit them again. The most important thing you can do is to be understanding when someone shows signs of their grief and give them the time and space to experience their feelings.
Listen: You don’t have to always know how to make them feel better, often, the comfort of knowing you are there to simply listen is all they need. Actively listen to what they are saying and try not to interrupt with your own opinion. Likewise, don’t compare someone’s situation to your own experiences unless they have asked you about it.
Encourage them to engage with their hobbies: While they will need time to themselves, a bit of encouragement to continue with their hobbies could be the encouragement they need to make the step to start again. Offer to accompany them to help take their mind off things. If they say no, respect that and ask at a later date.
Be mindful of your language and behaviour: While it’s important to act as normal as possible with someone experiencing grief, try to remain mindful of your language and humour. Don’t make insensitive jokes or laugh off something serious. As someone who knows them well, respect their behaviour and be as sensitive as possible to their feelings.
Look for support groups and charities that could help but don’t force it on them: Your loved one may not have the time or energy to research support themselves, so it’s great if you find things that may help them. They’ll appreciate you thinking of them but if they aren’t ready to attend let them do so at their own pace and respect their decision.
How can Right at Home Cardiff & Newport support me with grief?
Here at Right at Home Cardiff & Newport we have a wealth of support available to our teams, Clients and CareGivers who may experience grief.
We have a great support network in place to help people come to terms with their grief. Our Cardiff based team is always available to offer a listening ear should you need it. Many of us have experienced grief first-hand so can guide you to local advice and support to help make the process as easy as possible.
Further Grief and Bereavement Support in Cardiff & Newport
If you are experiencing/struggling with/dealing with grief there are a range of services, charities and organisations that can offer advice and guidance.
We offer a range of services to support people in the Cardiff & Newport community including companionship, specialist care and end of life care that could help you or a loved one. Browse our services here:
