Dementia caregiving - Don’t be afraid to ask for help!

In my experience people love to feel helpful and carers are generally too reluctant to ask for or accept help. So, in this month’s column I want to explore how to go about getting a bit more help from those around you.

Supporting someone living with dementia can be very challenging as the condition progresses. A bit of help from others can make the difference between just surviving and living well.

I am a firm believer in the goodness of people, and I think if we make it clear how grateful we are and what a difference their help makes then they are very happy to support.

It is a bit of a British trait, to feel that it is giving in or showing weakness if we ask for help. To me it is a sign of strength, of being in control and being practical and sensible about things.

Five top tips for asking for help

1. If someone offers, say “Yes”!
2. Spread the help around. Try and find different people to help with different things then no one will feel overburdened.
3. Match the task to the person. If someone loves golf, then it would probably be a pleasure to take your husband or wife to the golf course every now and then.  
4. Be grateful. It is so important to let those helping you know how much it is appreciated and what a positive impact their help has on you.
5. Be realistic. If the help needed passes beyond the reasonable bounds of friends and family seek professional support.

There are any number of things you could ask people to help with. It is probably worth writing up a list of things so that when someone offers or there is a good opportunity to ask you have something in mind. A few suggestions:

• Companionship - spending a bit of time with your loved one to give you a break. Either in the house or perhaps taking them out on an activity.
• Odd jobs - have a list of these ready for when a family member visits.
• Shopping / errands, whether taking you with them when they go or picking up some things for you when they are out.
• Online shopping - nowadays you can buy pretty much anything online. If you are not sure how to do this, you could ask someone to spend half an hour with you to help you buy what you need.

To me, the best thing about the business I run is that we have the opportunity to make a difference to people’s lives every day. It is such a rewarding experience to improve people’s lives. By asking for help you are giving someone the opportunity to feel good about themselves, so don’t be afraid to ask!

Alastair Shanks, Owner Right at Home GF and Dementia Friends Champion