Dementia - Communicating with Someone with Dementia

Communicating with someone living with dementia is a big part of what I cover when I run a dementia awareness session. It is a big topic in my eyes, as the difference between getting it right and getting it wrong can make the difference between a good day and a bad day both for the person living with dementia and those supporting them.

In my sessions I talk quite a lot about people’s feelings and how that can impact on the way we behave. There are a few things to consider about the person living with dementia when it comes to how to communicate;

• They may have got confused but from their point of view they are not confused - their understanding of the situation is clear and to them is correct. 
• They may not be able to tell you what they want to tell in clear communication, this can be very frustrating for them (as well as for you).
• You know when you look at a menu with 100 items on it and you cannot decide what to have, some simple decisions can feel like that for someone living with dementia.

I also talk about ‘7 Steps to Communication’, a simple list of seven things to consider when you are communicating with someone impacted by dementia;

1. Prepare Yourself - if you are rushed or in a bad mood this may well rub off on the person. Try to pause and prepare yourself before engaging.
2. The Approach - if the person is sitting down then sit down with them, maintain eye contact. Listen properly to what they are saying, it will improve communication.
3. No Testing - it can be tempting to ask questions like “do you remember what we did this morning” - this can stress people out if they cannot answer something they know they should be able to answer.
4. Don’t Use Commands - most of us don’t like being told what to do (it can make us do the opposite). It is better to try and offer a choice, even if that is simplified to make it easier, e.g. a menu choice of eight options is much easier to deal with than 100 items.
5. Value being Involved, Not Completing a Task - we all love to feel we are being productive and useful. Even if the person with dementia can no longer do something by themselves, do still involve them when you can.
6. Don’t Argue Back - it can be very hard not to correct someone when they have got something wrong or recounted an event incorrectly. If that person has dementia then there is very rarely any benefit in arguing with them. Most likely you will both end up feeling cross and the person with dementia may quite quickly forget the details of the point that you have just proved.
7. Try to understand what is causing their emotions - to me this is the most powerful of these statements. Sometimes people with dementia can get frustrated about things, it is not always easy to figure out why but if you can then you might be able to do something about it and make both their day and yours a bit better.

It is easy to talk about this in theory, it can be much harder in practice. Even our trained, professional CareGivers can have challenges communicating at times. If you are living with someone 24 hours a day and your relationship with them is having to adapt to the impact of dementia it can be very difficult. I hope these tips may help, but if you want to know more then please do get in touch to find out more about our one-to-one training. Alternatively, come along to my next Dementia Awareness Session - you can register your interest by calling 01252 783426.

Alastair Shanks, Owner Right at Home GF and Dementia Friends Champion