Should I Lie to Someone with Dementia?

Memory loss is the most well-known symptom of dementia. This often leads to someone living with dementia being confused about where they are and what is going on around them, it may also mean that they have forgotten about significant events.

I believe that, at times, it is better to gloss over the truth rather than upset someone unnecessarily. The most extreme example of this I have ever come across was a lady at a day centre whose husband had passed away a couple of years before. She kept looking for her husband and asking people where he was. Generally, people replied that they did not know where he was, but I was there when the manager of the day centre sat down with her and very gently told her that her husband had passed away two years ago. She was understandably distraught at this news and stayed upset for the rest of the time I was there. Within half an hour she was, once again, asking people where her husband was. So, all that had been achieved by telling her was to make her very distraught.

It can feel very wrong to lie to someone, especially about something important to someone you care about. It is unusual that you actually need to lie, usually it is possible to redirect someone’s attention, or divert the conversation onto something else. But, when it comes down to it and you have to answer one way or another I think you need to take a step back and think about the consequences of what you say. If the truth is going to cause distress but not bring any benefit then it may be worth avoiding it.

Diversion Techniques

If someone with dementia is asking a question that you do not want to answer, then the first thing to attempt is to divert the person’s attention. There are many ways to try doing this:

• Ask the person for help with something
• Start an activity of some sort (a game, reminiscing, going out for a walk)
• Change the topic of the conversation

So, in conclusion I believe that the priority should be helping the person you are supporting to avoid stress and if that means telling a lie then so be it. There is evidence to suggest that stress increases the symptoms of dementia so avoiding stress is a key part of supporting someone living with dementia. 

Find out a bit more about the impact of the disease and tips for interacting with someone living with dementia by coming along to a Dementia Awareness session at the Farnham Maltings. The date of the next session will be published on our website at www.rightathome.co.uk/guildford-and-farnham.

Alastair Shanks, Owner Right at Home GF and Dementia Friends Champion