Let's talk about care

Who are you? What makes you Emily?

I like being outside whether it’s walking, climbing trees (or at least I like the idea of doing that), collecting glass stones and being on the beach with music, music is a big part of my life. Being outside makes me feel grounded and real.

It’s hard to talk about myself.

People tell me that I am defensive, but I prefer that I am protective. But I know that sounds defensive saying that.

If I was to describe you to a stranger, what would you hope I tell them about you?

That I am down to earth and not judgemental. People intrigue me, some might say naturally nosey… but not everyone likes that.

Tell me about your journey into care.

I never thought I would work in care, it wasn’t something I envisioned for myself. I fancied a change of scenery and genuinely, I lucked out working for Right at Home as you hear a lot of horror stories.

There are times when you hear about poor manual handling in care homes, or people don’t have enough time for their clients and people don’t actually know their clients- it’s like they’re just a ‘body’ to look after. It isn’t just about caring for their bodies, we fuel their minds, we want them to get to know them and tell us who they are.

In the beginning, this was a second job for me, a year later, I’m still here, I’m still loving it. A big part of that is because I’ve been able to build those important relationships with my clients.

In terms of building a relationship with your clients, tell me about your favourite parts. Have there been any challenging parts of it?

It’s quite hard sometimes to get through to people that we do care. In the beginning they see it as if we are just here for an hour, many people apologise for receiving our care. They tend to think or feel that they are a nuisance.

I don’t just go home and forget about them, our clients are still there at the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go home and dwell or stress about it, but I see something in my day-to-day life and it reminds me of them. I do think about them, I see a ship or a bird and think “… would like that, I’ll tell him that when I next see him”.

What have you found helps build a relationship at the start?

I bond through music, and I asked where they have travelled to and find out things they have done in their life. Finding out where they met their partners, 9/10 times it’s been at a dance! Then I tell them I can’t dance and they tell me “me neither, I can’t dance anymore”

A memorable moment that I often think about was when I was playing music with a client, over time her speech was declining. But even if she couldn’t talk so well, I could see her face brighten because she liked that I knew the words to her songs. I often get “you shouldn’t know this song, it’s way before your time!” but its good music!

Okay, it’s time to talk about stigmas. Tell me what you’ve heard.

The only stigma I think that is real is the personal care side of things. Yes we do need to do it, but it isn’t a big deal. Coming into care never having done it before, it was a little “it is what it is” it’s new, but you take it in your stride. That’s when you really figure out this is the job for you.

Well, when it comes to wiping bottoms. Yes, you do wipe a lot, but it doesn’t bother you nearly as much as you think it would. The way Right at Home functions, making it person-centred and creating relationships with your clients, you see people for being people, not for their body. I sometimes hear that in a care home, people are a body to care for and a task to complete, I know that this doesn’t apply to all of them. But here, you get to know the people, you know their favourite meals or their favourite sweater.

Another thing I learnt, the perception that people with dementia are aggressive, in my experience, I haven’t met anyone who’s aggressive.

Did you have any pre-conceived expectations on what it would be like working out in the community?

Driving and rushing house to house is not an every- day experience. This can vary day to day,  it depends on the client and how their call goes or traffic or road works, that’s life. When there’s traffic you can be late, but clients typically find it funny, they ask me “what did you get stuck behind this time?” it’s an island thing. The office is approachable, so if we feel we haven’t got enough travel time between two places, we can bring it up and it gets fixed. Either we get more travel time between the two or they won’t send me there next, I’ll go to a different client of mine that fits the travel time better.

Do you get stressed?

That’s a bit vague. Do you mean with work? Or in life? You’re not human if you don’t get stressed.

Does work make you stressed?

I was going to say, only if someone’s needs are not met, but that is so quickly resolved that I don’t really have time to stress. Just now, I was trying to figure out a way to make a clients’ life easier without causing her distress, her sling doesn’t quite work the best.

Hello Emily! So you have just come from a call, how are you?

I am well, just, alright.

How was your call?

It was relaxed, I had an easy morning.

So last time we talked about stress. Have you ever felt like you just don’t want to go into work? Or days when you really aren’t feeling it.

Sometimes I feel that way, but it’s not works fault, it’s life. I never want to leave someone’s house because I don’t want to be at work, it’s not personal. There have been times when I don’t click with an individual, I want to be able to give them something, I want to be able to do things for them and for them to get something from me. In those instances, I got to the office and explain that, because another CareGiver could bring more for them. I feel heard by the office, they listen.

That’s life, not everyone in life gets on with everyone else.

How do you de-stress?

I go outside. I would go for a walk, I go down to the beach mostly. If its bad weather I stay in, I listen to music, have some candles going or some incense. I recently got into tarot cards, so I do some research on it. Bad weather is cosy time.

I also tidy when I’m stressed… more annoyed really. So I’ll start tidying. In some ways that’s annoying because then I find I can’t do it in a good mood!

Have you had to find ways that help you de-stress or have these things come naturally to you?

Some things come naturally, like being outside. Like I’ve mentioned before, I feel grounded when I’m outside. I’ve always liked a smelly candles, but incense is new to me. To sit still and purposefully calm myself is new, I am still navigating that. A younger version of me wouldn’t have known how to sit in my own head. I try new things until something works, like painting, I found when I tried it that it isn’t my forte, so that didn’t stick as a de-stressing method.

Let’s go back to talking about stigmas. There is this view that working in care is low pay and high stress, how do you feel about this?

Well, that’s how I used to feel about it. I was ignorant, I didn’t know anyone who worked in care so I didn’t know, I didn’t have people around who could tell me about what it’s like being a carer.

It’s not that I’m frustrated, but I wish people were willing to learn a little more about this industry. It might not be the right job for you, but you might realise you care a bit more than you think you do. You have to actually care, you might not realise that you can do it. Then when you do, you go home and realise you’ve helped someone.

So actually, I feel fairly neutral about that approach. Okay, it’s your opinion and that’s fine, but now I know different about it.

Do you think it takes a particular kind of person to work in the care industry?

It can do but not necessarily, I hear people that say “I couldn’t do that” and so did I... But here we are now!

You have to be willing to try it. Maybe. But yes, you have to try. I never thought I could be so intimately caring for someone even though I was a caring person.

If you could change one thing about the are industry, what would it be?

There is still so much I don’t know, I feel like I don’t know everything to be able to answer that.

We can come back to that….

I know how to talk to people, but I want to know more about the paper work side of things, when other services become involved, I don’t know how that necessarily works. There is someone else (Katie Registered Manager) who deals with that, so I wouldn’t know what to do.

I’m just in it for the people. Everything I know has come from Right at Home. From my limited knowledge, I have never been taught anything wrong, if something is out of date, you are on it to update us, like refresher training. You do forget stuff, so it’s good to be kept up to date.

How do you know how to help people?

I offer them what I want to be offered. You just kind of do it in the moment really, you help them with what they want to be helped with.

If they are stressed, I try to get them to bring their attention to me, bring them down and we’ll figure out what the problem is. Like if they have lost something, calm them down and figure out what we are looking for.

Do you want examples? I don’t know? I just help people.

You empathise. Get yourself in their shoes, okay what is their situation? How would it affect me? I need to figure out how their feeling before I can help them.

How do you find confidence with it?

It takes time. At the start I treat it like I’m in my grandparents house, my manners always came out when I went to my grandparents house, I get ‘proper’.

It is common sense really, to be respectful going into their house, little things like wiping your feet when you get in. When you get to know people then you know what really works, if I just say “hi” to one of my ladies, she won’t notice, so I go up to her at face level to say hello. It’s important to know how to greet someone. That’s why reading the care plan is important!

If someone has something they’re particular about, I make a point of making sure I’ve done it. It’s a little win! They become comfortable with you coming in their home because they feel comfortable with you doing things the way they like.

That’s why care is person-centered, we are going into THEIR home, so we treat it with respect.  

Were you nervous at the start?

I was a little bit nervous at the start, they’re strangers at the start to be honest. They’re another generation. I’ve never had an uncomfortable outdated conversation with any client though. I think a lot of that comes from meeting different carers, they see we are different people and so have known other walks of life. They are not ignorant and old, they just have their different ways about them.

Is there anything you feel people should know about care?

It can be hard, but it is also very fulfilling. More fulfilling than I had expected actually.

Was there a moment that made you realise its more fulfilling?

When you realise that they remember you on more of a personal level, for example one lady always has a stock of my favourite drink in her house so I can have one when I visit her for companionship. It’s nice I can go home and think that I have made an impact in a way that they also care about me… It’s not meant to be as selfish or about me as it sounds.

The first Dementia Afternoon Tea Club also made me realise how fulfilling this is. It was seeing that this is something that people look forward to and enjoy, when people chat to each other about their experiences like when they compare the previous month to this month.

The longer you know someone, you build up a rapport with them, this allows us to be able to positively challenge people because you don’t have tip-toe around them. For example I can say “I know you’re more capable to not get out of doing your exercises”. You can learn each individual’s boundaries, so you know the line where you can be a little firmer whilst still being kind. It grows over time to learn each person’s boundaries, you wouldn’t do that with someone you just met. I can (mostly) get through to them on days when they don’t want to do something, you can compromise with them.

Back to the tough question about changing things within the care industry...

I feel like I don’t know enough to answer that.

After a discussion about this answer, we came to agreement that Emily’s experience and opinions of the care industry have exclusively been built around her working for Right at Home Isle of Wight, after having come into care for the first time with us. It’s a question that is biased because of our own personal experience of the care industry, be it residential, hospital, community, etc.

My perception is what has been given to me by what I’ve learnt at Right at Home. I haven’t developed an opinion on the entire care industry yet.

We are looked after and our clients are looked after… were pretty $%& good.

Now it’s time for cake.

Thanks Emily!