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- Fred's Story
Fred' story
Fred was born in 1928. He was the only child and due to his dad’s early passing, raised by his mum, who meant a world to him. Fred was a very active man and very much involved in the community. Since 1969, Fred was a leading Amateur Theatre Group based in Dulwich Village, London called “Dulwich Players” which was founded the same year. Fred used to perform with his beloved wife where he later became the Director until his retirement in 2010.
During our initial assessment in July 2019, it was noticeable that Fred had lost interest in living. The tragic death of his wife never accepted and explained, left replaceable emptiness and sadness, Fred could never recover from.
How did Right at Home Mitcham work with Fred?
Caring for Fred was not been easy. This was not due to his physical inabilities, but due to his mental state of mind. Since becoming bed bound, his health conditions were deteriorating further. Apart from being unable to walk, Fred also suffered from carpal tunnel in both hands. This meant, that both hands were becoming numb, weak and with median nerve being compressed, in lot of pain.
The main aim for this exercises was, to enable Fred to eat independently and like many times he said to “scratch my nose for once without asking my carer to do it for me”. We used to bring bowl of lukewarm water with soap and once his muscles were a bit relaxed, we tried to open his hand and worked on each of his fingers. After that, once his hands were dried, we used massage his hands further and later we put stress ball into his palm and asked Fred to squeeze the ball. Stress ball was often left till the evening in his hands to prevent them from “locking up”.
Once Fred saw the improvements, he was often showing to others how much he is able to do with his hands. Fred’s happiness meant a lot to the carers. This way we were not only improving on his hands movement, but we were also working on his mental state.
How did Right at Home care services impact Fred?
Determination of his carers and an exceptional support they have provided to Fred, helped him to recover and within weeks, Fred was no longer receiving palliative support. It was noticeable, that Freds conditions have changed. He was no longer able nor willing to exercise his hands. He was weaker, but still enjoying his life with the help of his carers.
Fred often talked about his late wife. Her passion was, their huge garden and roses she planted, and looked after for many years. After her passing, the garden no longer was beautiful and as Fred’s bed faced the garden, we could see sadness in his eyes. The registered manager often visited Fred to talk to him, find out about his likes and things carers could do, to make his support even better. During one of her visits, she asked Fred if would like his garden to be cleaned. Fred replied that he would love to see his garden (high branches of the blackberries and tall grass, obstructed the view of the tree where parakeets often were fighting for monkey’s nuts), however his gardener stopped coming and garden became neglected even more.
To fulfill Fred’s wish, Maggie with her husband and son, visited Fred over the weekend. They all worked on his garden and shared the progress via video call, so that Fred could be involved and to be able to tell them what he would like to be done. Fred was very pleased with the results and most importantly, could see roses planted by his wife and tree where birds were flying in to be fed.
Maggie knew that Fred was always complaining of being cold. At night he used to sleep covered with several blankets. This was understood, as Fred did not move much in bed. His legs became less mobile, even to lift them, hence sense of constant cold. Maggie decided to surprise Fred and with help of YouTube crocheted a warm blanket for him.
To brighten his room, we used to buy flowers for Fred, especially roses to keep them in the vase close to Anne’s photo.
In December 2021, Fred developed another urine infection. He refused to be taken to the hospital, however we convinced him, that having an ambulance coming, may not mean he will be taken.
Unfortunately, ambulance crew did not have scan with them to check his bladder and insisted on taking Fred to check his conditions. Fred was admitted, where later developed chest infection and Covid. His heart was very weak and body too ill to fight the virus.
When Fred recovered enough to be aware of his surroundings, he urged to come home. He knew that in his current condition, home recovery will be extremely difficult, however he decided to come home. Fred was discharged home, again receiving palliative care. Although full of hopes we can help him recover as we did once, this time was different.
Fred refused his medication and during one conversation he has had with Fred, he asked her to ensure that everyone will respect his wishes and would not insist on things which would only prolong his life with no quality and hospital admissions. With heavy heart we all promised to care for Fred as best as we could, respecting his wishes and choices, even if they are unwise.
Fred's decline was difficult for everyone involved, especially our live in carer who was there 24/7.To ensure support is offered and provided to both, Fred and the live in carer, our Registered manager as well as Care Coordinator were at Fred’s house every day, until the very last day.
Everyday was harder, everyone were preparing for his departure, yet some conversations had to take place. One of his wish was to leave his house with dignity. We promised that for his very last journey, Fred will leave his house, they way he wished for.
Days before his passing, Fred chose a picture he wanted to be placed on his coffin. Until very last day, his picture was placed close to him with picture of his beloved wife and mother. Since we placed the photos on his right side of the bed, his head would be turned that way, and stayed on the right side until he took his last breath.
Fred passed away on the 16th of February, month after being discharge from the hospital. His last farewell was attended by many friends, neighbours and carers and memory of Fred and lessons given will always stay with us.
How we used this experience to drive improvements across the service
Fred's case was shared with our team, to reassure them, that despite client’s unwise decision they may make, our support should not and would not end. Fred made decision to end his journey, and although it was difficult to accept, his decision was understood and respected. In moments like the one we were fortunate to experience with Fred, it is very important to remember that we are doing this for the person, and that person more than ever must be at the centre of everything we do.
We have built up very positive relationship with King’s college palliative team. Their nurses were in close contact with our carers and visited Frank daily. St Christopher nurses, we available to offer support and also to listen our fears. Marie Curie provided exceptional night nurses, and one of them was next to Fred when he took his last breath.
When we talk about palliative support, the end of life, the subject seems to be a lonely journey, whereas reality is very different. Our team in Right at Home Mitcham, Streatham and Dulwich provide compassionate, quality care at home when you need it most. Get in touch with our team today to see how we can best support you.