Hope In Our Darkest Hours
Published: 29/03/2019
Hope is vital for us all. It can be our guiding light back from despair. At Right at Home we look to support our clients with home care service in the best way we can, every visit, giving them hope in their darkest moments. #caregivers #homecare #socialisolation #dementia
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die . . . ” Ecclesiastes 3:1-2
Waiting For Spring
At this time of year, just six weeks after the Winter solstice we all feel the depth of winter with its long nights and bare trees. The world has gone from the glorious colour of Summer to the black and white and darkness of Winter. But as we clear up our winter gardens, cutting back the roses and sweeping up the piles of leaves, even now we can see signs of hope. Bulbs are starting to emerge, tips of daffodils are visible, testing the air and preparing to burst to life again, in a riot of yellow blooms.
In just a few weeks we will become aware of the much shorter nights and before we know it, it will be Spring once again, with temperatures rising and the blue skies once again full of cotton wool clouds.
All life is a cycle. At our lowest points we should remember that even in the harshest winters Spring and Summer will inevitably follow. Life is hard. At times, the worst imaginable things happen. Things that are outside our control. This feeling of hope is what we all need to look forward and find fragments of optimism, enough to let us believe things will get better.
Seeing Our Parents Pass Away
Over recent years, I have seen both my parents pass away with cancer. They received the diagnosis of cancer we all dread, duly followed by the even worst prognosis that it was late stage and inoperable. Being told they had less than 12 months to live, left them with little or no hope.
My father was in his 80s a devout Catholic, and a classic English gentleman with a stiff upper lip. He, a stoic to the end, showed no emotion at all. He had never been ill, and was advised to take paracetamol for the pain, asking me later if he should take two tablets rather than the one tablet he had been taking, as the pain grew worst. He died in hospital showing no real signs of pain or discomfort. The only sign, giving each of us (an oh so rare) farewell hug the day before he died.
My mother however, in contrast, in her mid-70s and agnostic, was deeply upset and found the doctor’s most feared message of cervical cancer hard to take. She was not ready for this at all and became desperately sad sinking into a deep black gloom. Not knowing what to do, my Dad took her to see her GP. Luckily for Mum her experienced GP, whom she had known for years, was able to give her a gift. The gift she gave was hope. “Mrs Scott” she said, “You are not old. I know many ladies much older than you, who have had similar cancer and they are doing fine. You may ave another 10 years or more.” Who knows whether or not this was true? It does not matter.
What did matter was that it was what my Mum desperately needed to hear. It was the slim hope she needed to keep going.
Finding Hope
We all know we are going to die. We just don’t know when. We will all grow older too. It is a bleak outlook. The human condition. Memento mori. All we can hope is that our death will not be too painful. We can hope that as we grow old, we will keep our health and remain surrounded by loved ones and amazing carers.
What is Hope?
In recent year academics have started to study hope. What is it? Can be it be learnt or is it inherited? What impact does it have on quality of life and life expectancy? Does it depend on a goal or achievable outcome? Or can it exist as a feeling in isolation? When all hope is gone, when we are in despair, is it possible to still feel hope?
(See for example http://hopeoptimism.com/ The Hope and Optimism initiative was a $5 million, four-year grant at Notre Dame, Cornell, and the University of Pennsylvania. The project explored the theoretical, empirical, and practical dimensions of hope, optimism, and related states. Here is a short video about it too https://vimeo.com/172490303)
Our Care Service
At Right at Home, when caring for our vulnerable clients, we often see them at their worst moments, as their health takes a down-turn, or they get the diagnosis they are dreading. Visits from our carers can be the highlight or the client’s day. Our carers – who are typically bubbly and smiling – can help lift the client’s mood and bring sunshine in what could otherwise be another dark lonely day.
Companionship is the most valuable part of our service. By giving our clients personal care and attention we can lift their spirits, help them feel valued and most of important of all that their life still matters. This fills a basic human need we all have – just the same as the need for air and water.
Palliative care is an important part of what we do. When clients are in their last days of life, there is always something we can do to help. Little things can make all the difference. We work hand-in-hand with the client’s GP, district nurses, as well as palliative team from local hospices who are ready and able to provide pain relief or short notice.
We will be keeping an idea on the outcome of the academic studies and whenever we can aim to give our clients the gift of hope in their darkest moments.
