Top 5 Relationship Goals after Stroke

Top 5 Relationship Goals after Stroke

I’m hardly the leading authority in relationships. Anyone who has received a greetings card with ‘A man is for life, not just for Christmas’ on the front, isn’t going to be your first choice to turn to for advice. So, it may surprise you to learn that, the very time my boyfriend and I decided to live together, was following my strokes. I’m not certain it was one of our better judgments, but we’ve muddled through, coming out stronger on the other side. So here are my top five relationship goals after a stroke. #Relationship Goals

Laugh Together

My boyfriend and I share a similar sense of humour. The year post-stroke was unbelievably difficult to get through as a couple. The phrase’ laughter is the best medicine‘ took on a whole new meaning. Our relationship balance shifted in the first few months because I needed his help. It’s difficult being cared for by your partner. You have feelings of guilt, mixed up with feelings of frustration and a fear of being seen differently in their eyes. Right at Home Solent offer a variety of services to maintain your independence in your own home and I wished I had given this further thought. But being able to not take ourselves too seriously and seeing the funny side of the situation helped an awful lot. One-liners such as ‘the bins go out more than we do’ or ‘shake me and I will rattle’ at the amount of medicine I was required to take, seemed to ease the gravity of the situation. Couples who are best friends, last the distance.

Get your Sass Back

I experienced a very black time following my second stroke. I experienced low self-esteem and had little self-worth. When you don’t see the point in getting out of bed, you aren’t bothered about relationships, so you need to arrive at some sort of acceptance. From my boyfriend’s perspective, this must have been as difficult for him. Part of his attraction to me is my sass. He knows if he plays with fire, he will get burnt. When the light went out of my personality, it was understandably a difficult time in our relationship. Living with Depression isn’t easy. However, one day he gave me a beaming smile when I shouted at him to go and sleep in the car, and what’s more, he wouldn’t be having a blanket. My personality had been switched back on. 

Little Things Mean A Lot.

My other half did an awful lot to hold everything together in our first year living together. It wasn’t easy for him. He would put in a 12-hour shift as an electrician and come home to tears or anger and then have to cook the dinner. I couldn’t do grand gestures like booking a weekend away, so I did small things to show my gratitude. He’d arrive home to discover his favourite sweets or a bottle of beer waiting. It was a hard time, but it showed we were both still on the same page in our relationship. 3 down, we are nailing Relationship Goals after Stroke.

Be as Independent as You Can.

Ok, I will admit it.  I am the woman who danced around the living room with my daughter to Independent Woman by Destiny’s child. I had a full life before the strokes. A working mum who was single and ready to mingle.  Post-stroke everything changed overnight. My world became that much smaller. I would be overly interested in what my boyfriend was doing, leading to arguments. I also couldn’t contribute anything stimulating to a conversation. No one wants to know that a rogue black sock has ruined the whitewash. 

I’ve needed to redefine what my independence is, post-stroke. Working for a few hours a week has been the most important milestone in getting back a bit of ‘me’ again. Even if work isn’t an option, having separate interests can only be a good thing in a relationship, to avoid feeling bored, down and trapped.

Try Growing the Grass

I know deep down; my boyfriend is a keeper. We all know the saying’ the grass isn’t always greener on the other side’, so I’ve worked on making my grass grow well. Before, I was like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride, minus the Hollywood glamour and the horse. Neither of us is easy to live with, but we do love one another. That is worth nurturing. It takes a lot of effort to stay in love and even more resolve not to give up on it. But we are headstrong and not life’s quitters, so maybe that’s our recipe for relationship success.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my Relationship Goals after Stroke blog. Give it a cheeky like or share and my boss will be happy!